‘INCLUSION,’ is a very vast Topic! Even if I write many blogs on it, it will never be a Topic one can FINISH writing on. It’s as vast as this Earth!
What a lay man perceives as INCLUSION, may be a very different understanding in Society, in the Community, or in the Neighborhood! For e.g., a person in a Community, living in an apartment, may consider their neighbor, as not INCLUSIVE, simply because they did not allow their Educated Daughter in law to go to work! The Daughter-in-law, on the other hand, may have chosen to be at home, for some time, but still, this becomes a topic in the community. Inclusion for them in the neighborhood, means that this daughter-in-law should go to work, because that’s the NORM today!
INCLUSION means different things to different people. While in a ‘NORMAL’ Family, the Daughter in law may feel ‘NOT INCLUDED’. To think that this is a common phenomenon, is to be blissfully unaware! The Mother-in-law feels the same way around after some time as well!
People seem to think that marriages are only between two individuals, and they seem to forget that Relationships between both sides makes a huge difference to a Family Life. By this, I do not mean, Interference, but, keeping healthy relationships in the Family
Just as a daughter-in-law does not feel included, a Mother-in-law, a son, a daughter, a niece a nephew, a Brother-in-law, Sister-in-law or an uncle or aunt, or cousin can feel not included in the Family. When there are many children in a Family, some feel included, some feel secluded and some feel excluded!
This could also depend on the order of your Birth in the Family!
When there is a child with disability!
Whenever there is a child with Disability in the Family. the whole family feels ‘LEFT – OUT’ by Society. As this child grows, he or she finds themselves sidetracked by society! These children are different and can never get to play or mix equally with other children in the building or neighbourhood. Many Parents teach their children not to play with the disabled child, further, depleting their hope of being included. While this is true of adults, children are blissfully unaware of discrimination. They treat every child as an equal!
As they become teenagers, they realize further that they are not part of this so called ‘normal’ society. They cannot go to movies like others, cannot go to restaurants or public places like everybody else.
So, the question of Marriage and a NORMAL LIFE is still a Far-off goal for these children and Parents alike!
INCLUSION WHEN THE WORD MARRIAGE IS ENTERTAINED IN A FAMILY!
No one wants to give their daughter to a family where the sibling is disabled, fearing the fact that it could be genetic. While these fears on one side, could be true, it’s important that as Parents, you get to discussing the issue and talk about it. Anyway, Every Marriage has its own risks, and in every Marriage, we need to debate discuss and eliminate the fears and confusions that happen. After all, there is ‘NO GUARANTEE’ that a NOMAL Marriage will not yield a ‘Disabled Child’! Mental Health issues are many times precipitated by the circumstances by Society and the Attitude with which the person has to deal with it!
While, in today’s world, arranged marriages are not the NORM, it is still an important issue. If after marriage one realizes that a sibling is having a disability, it can cause a great amount of stress throughout life, if not disclosed or accepted whole heartedly from the Beginning.
As a Profession:
As a Professional I think it is very important to disclose when my children get married that, many people who attend the marriage from our side, may have disabilities, and, or Mental Health Challenges, and that they are the purpose of our work and therefore will attend the Family function
By doing so, you are clearing the pathway for a better prospective in marriage for your child. However, many parents feel that by disclosing this you may ward off very good proposals. This shows a hidden communication pattern which could cause a lot of damage in future. If the people choose, not to get married, due to this issue, still, you have to remember that you are maintaining your peace by this.
For example, many Parents do not allow their disabled child to attend the marriage of their siblings, which is a very NON-INCLUSIVE society. Some may ask their Disabled child, or child with Mental Health challenges, not be a part of the first or second meeting when the sibling’s marriage is fixed. This causes a permanent psychological damage to the child, who actually needs more love and care from the Parents during such times, and when they need to be accepted and included as they are!
For the sake of society and for the sake of one child, the Parents forget the damage they cause to their other child, without even caring to realize that these situations could cause deep psychological wounds!
If people feel ashamed to bring their siblings, or include them in Society, such a Society is unfortunately an unequal society, and will need a lot of reforms to get to ‘INCLUSION’ as a concept. In India maybe we are far away from this as yet, despite all the awareness that is happening
MARRIAGE:
However, capable, the person with disabilities may be, society does not accept this person, since he or she may have limitations. This is in no way inclusive as a society!
Such people cannot enjoy the bliss of dating, being engaged, enjoying going out together, hanging out in all joints and malls, without the ‘RED EYES’ of strangers who raise their eyebrows in social settings to infringe on their rights.
Furthermore, if they do have a child, or adopt one, they become recipients of further curiosity in social settings and a lot if intrusion in their personal lives! How pathetic can such a society be?
India needs to go a long way in this path, despite all the efforts, in ground reality, there is much too much hidden within the Family systems. In a society where a NORMAL child has to constantly cope with being in the crowd, and proving ‘been there and done that’, there is no wonder that INCLUSION still remains a dream somewhere in the future!
MENTAL HEALTH:
This is another very challenging area of INCLUSION!
Educated people with Mental Health Challenges, are never accepted back in society at their workplace. Where will they go? Giving them the pink slip, is the easiest thing to do. However, it is important for the Corporate settings, MNC’s and all other Institutions such as schools and colleges to understand that ‘No one falls ill by choice’ and therefore they have a right to be accepted after their treatment when they become fine.
The Workplaces have to treat these people with respect, concern and compassion, empathy, since it was not their choice to fall sick. Since the challenge is not visible, they are totally discriminated and hence their voice is not heard.
For example, lets discuss how Vidya, (Name changed), a Postgraduate, got into a workplace and was living a fulfilling and qualitative life, until one day, suddenly her Boss called her for a meeting and told her, you are getting posted on site, the client finds you very capable, and has been very happy with your teamwork, and has chosen you after the last teleconference.
To a normal person, like Vidya, this should have been such exciting news, that she if finally getting a better opportunity after three years, and she was waiting for this, and that her monetary gains with this would certainly improve and her prospects would be better!
Alas, this is not what happened to Vidya. She had come home that day with the utmost stress, this is not what she had expected. The time given was hardly a month and the process of applying for the visa, was to begin soon. Vidya, could not work anymore. She got locked up on a very anxious situation, how could she convey this to her boss? She was very happy right here.
What will people say, how can I resolve this, and whom can I talk to?
Soon, Vidya was in a mess, and declined from working properly and could not communicate her problems at workplace, and her ROI was coming down. In her workplace the next day, she found people talking to her very positively saying, WOW you have made it! Now this is it. It is a movement in your life that you would never regret. Some told her they were openly jealous of her selection too. This situation, precipitated, Vaidya’s Mental Health further. She got into a depression and developed an Obsessive-Compulsive disorder. Nobody considered speaking to her and asking her what she was feeling!
However, she lost the opportunity, and along with that her job too. Her parents also slumped into anxiety, and depression seeing her go down. What a shame, what will we tell people? She is at home now!
Vidya actually recovered very well, but it took about six months. She was asked by the Doctor to go back to work ! She contacted her HR, a person, who had been so happy with her, she said she would try very politely to put off the call, but no reply came along.
All HR consultants put her CV aside, her old company, had no position for her now, and she had not updated skills now.
What happens to this VIDYA? The Corporates have to understand that, Vidya’s anxiety was not tackled in time and comforted to allow her to get prepared for such a movement. They used her till she performed and did not care for her Mental Health issues. She was also not given any preparation time or checked out if she would like such opportunities and if so when! In most IT Industries, the Client seems to dictate who goes abroad for the task from India!
Instead, they could have supported her and allowed her to come back on a lessor stressful job, retained her respect and dignity, supported her and shown compassion, such that she did not have to become a burden on Society. They could have replaced someone else in her position who would have loved to go abroad!
Educated people, are suffering all the more due to the IT boom in India, where, the society promotes Education, Double Graduation, for the prospects of a great job opportunity, and then a percentage of them are dumped with no help or support on Society!
These people contribute heavily to our GDP! By increasing their opportunities, we will be gaining a very accommodative and Healthy Society, and also making them contributing members of a Positive Economy!
These kinds of Practices, have to be discussed and debated, and New policies by the Government, as well as the Private and Public sector needs to be brought in to
Make the desired changes
INCLUSION is a wide spectrum of things, it’s at every step as well
So, let’s understand, for ourselves, what is it we are seeing as INCLUSION from our point of view? This needs to be challenged to bring about positive changes in Society.
We spoke of Workplaces and now let’s glimpse into what schools are doing?
The suggestions would be to start with a policy of Acquisition and Merger of all schools in the first place. At one time 3 or 4 decades ago, we needed Special Schools!
By Now we should have become a society that is much more aware! The New Education Policy has brought about many changes, still we are far behind!
No number of rules have worked so far. Even if normal schools have the seats available, no one wants to include a disabled child in the curriculum. Worse than this, is that instead of subsidizing the fees, there is a premium to recruit a Special Educator for this child. This is not ‘INCLUSION‘ in any way!
Many Parents express concern over their child sitting in a classroom, with a child with disability sitting next to their child. They feel ashamed and do not educate their child to accept this child with disability and become a support
Colleges are even worse! Many who try to get into the College Campus have to constantly wriggle around trying to prove they are just as ‘NORMAL as you or ME’
Even without a disability, there are many dropouts, due to discrimination! The less said, the Better!
We do understand that ACCEPTANCE is a huge norm, and change will happen only when we delve straight into it, bring about policy changes and rules in both Government and the private sectors.
SO HERE ARE SOME OF THE SUGGESTIONS:
- In the Family, Parents have to own their child, do their Best, and journey with the society making impacts on an inclusive society by bringing their child everywhere, in The Family Functions, in Society, and in Public places, accepting that they have a right to do so, and not shying away from mixing at all levels
- In the community, they must accept invitations only where their child is also invited and can go along with them
- In the workplace, people have to get educated on how to Treat people and bring them back if they drop out due to any Mental Health issues, or any other issues, which have happened beyond their imagination and control. After all they are not responsible for things that happen in life that is beyond their control
- In Social Settings, it is very important to make all buildings accessible and disable friendly including Malls, Shopping centers, schools and Colleges, where everyone can have a normal life and feel included, naturally, and not BE INCLUDED as a favor!
So, in reality. INCLUSION. In INDIA and in the WORLD, is still a far-off dream, when can we achieve it? Will you join us for this cause? Then, let’s start with understanding the current level of discrimination existing in the market and the unaffordable costs of such an INCLUSIVE method!
I am still very hopeful and have faith that this will truly happen one day! Let’s become the Change AGENTS, it’s the NEW Normal!
Vani Sukumar
Director,
Integrated Systems / Chennai
